


The City of Men

by artemismoon12



Series: The Despes Chronicles [1]
Category: CPCoulter's Dalton, Dalton Academy Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Angst, Daddy!Julian, Family, Homelessness, Human Trafficking, Kid Fic, Memory Alteration, Sexual Minority and Gender Politics, Threats of Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 11:17:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3808351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemismoon12/pseuds/artemismoon12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The whole of the world has been plunged into turmoil following a biological disaster; only the city of Despes is able to be a haven for Julian Larson and his partner Adam, who saved him from the start of the violence years ago.<br/>When the pair find a little girl wandering alone in the city, Julian's life is turned upside down as he tries to keep all he's built up.  But it might be hard because the foundation was never that solid in the first place.<br/>(Written for the 2012 Dalton Games; Epilogue by whatoncewassilver; Beta read by starsandunicorns)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Original Author's Note from April 2012 posting)  
> This was time intensive and extremely crazy to write under the time constraints. I nearly killed myself writing this but I got it done. Thanks to my wonderful mentors whatoncewassilver and starsandunicorns for being my beautiful mentors and putting up with various hysterical and non hysterical feelings on my end. 
> 
> It ended up with 10 chapters, 14000+ words and I am so proud of myself. I think I worked well within the prompts of Julian/Adam, family, post-apocalypse and the twist I was given. On top of that I also added my own view of what would happen in a post apocalyptic society with a bit of social and political commentary, especially where the world to end this years or next year. There is also a hidden reference to the wonderful CPCoulter if you can find it. 
> 
> Thanks to Hufflebecks and Confringo- for hosting the Dalton Games. I was glad to have gotten the opportunity to be the tribute for District 7 and compete with my own skills in the ring. If it needs saying, obviously we tributes do not own these stories, nor do we own any rights to the characters. In my case, Logan, Derek, Adam, and Julian are not mine (belonging to the lovely Mama CP), neither is Dalton Academy (which belongs to FOX). I truly hope you all enjoy it. -Islay

Julian ran, the heat at his heels from the heavy breath of the DPF (Despes Police Force) officers pursuing him. Panting, he tried to weave between two dumpsters. They were smart though- leaping over the offending blockades, guns blazing as they ran after the thief from the shopping centre.

The young man’s pace quickened, both in stride and heart. He had a job to do; and the DPF wouldn’t stop him.

A loaf of bread in one hand and an apple in the other it was difficult to run. Taking time to put either item in his bag would stop him from reaching his destination. But the wall flew in front of his face faster than he thought possible. 

The concrete texture imprinted into his forehead; recovering quickly he thrust the load under one arm and jumped to the nearest box; anything to give him a boost and get away from those guns faster.

In his head he was a character running from the cops in a fifties inspired crime story. Maybe his character was doing this for some sneaky reason and he had a bad history with the law; his name plastered on wanted posters and his name whispered in reverence. The bread he stole was really top secret information with a story of two hours and a half behind it in the theatre. Then again he ought to just concentrate on getting it back to Adam and Sandy before he got shot. Reliving the days on-screen was one thing, but there were more important things than movies these days.

“Stop in the name of the CPC or we shoot!” The officers shouted, pointing their weapons up at Julian and his stolen treasures. He grinned at them, a smooth face with jovial eyes.

“As if.” One quip and he tumbled over the wall, landing on his feet in an easy turn. As his thin frame carried him quickly back home he heard the curses and exclamations of the DPF as they struggled to get over the wall; their bullets wasted on thin air.

It wasn’t just the feeling of victory upon evasion, but the thought of Sandy’s smiling face as he brought back a full loaf after he’d already snatched a new coat, a length of sausages, and five carrots that week alone.  Though the looks on those cops’ faces would be hilarious, had he gotten to see them; sadly he couldn’t have stuck around for long. Not much time for snark these days.

His feet rested in front of a pile of pebbles in the middle of a battered parking lot- or what, less than five years ago, might have been a parking lot. Now a crater full of rubble and auto parts was left in its place. In particular the corner of the parking lot was the most concentrated of the rubble pile, arranged in such a way it looked deliberately heaped for shelter.           This was a distraction however, as the overturned dumpster parallel was the true hide out for the homeless.

Lifting the lid, Julian found a smiling child and another young man playing with a length of string.  The other man’s face was young like his own but weathered and worn. His scarred fingers held up the string for the child, dressed in brown and blue, to pick and paw at. The dumpster was dark and rancid but it was home- for now.

“Juli!” The tiny figure launched themselves towards the homecoming hero, overjoyed by his return. “You’re okay!”

“No he’s not.” Adam said, rolling up the string quickly and reaching out his arm to Julian’s hairline. When he removed his fingers a thin layer of red stained his finger tips. “You’re bleeding. I told you it was too dangerous out there- I should have gone and you should have stayed with Sandy-”

Julian rolled his eyes and fell backwards against one end of the dumpster with a sigh, Sandy in his lap. “You’re more dramatic than me. It’s just a scrape; I got it from a sign in the shopping centre.”

“You know I don’t like you getting hurt.” The tinge of sorrow in Adam’s voice evident; their eyes met.

“I’m a big boy, Adam.” He smiled, trying to reassure him.

“But-”

“I’m not going to stop this. Beside we all know I’m the best at scraping the bits no one else notices. You drag your feet like a troll and Sandy can’t go out too often- it’s gotta be me.”

If anyone out of the three of their little gang was the most agile it would be Julian; skilled with speed and evasion it was a much more useful talent than Adam’s brute strength. But they needed both to survive; and now to protect.

Adam looked at Julian, the taller of the two crouched in the corner to allow Sandy to bounce about, arms around Julian’s neck hugging him tightly.

“You’re good but it’d be better if I went out. I don’t know what we’d do if you got caught.” Adam solemnly said. He held his knees under his chin with large hands. 

Sandy just looked between the two of them; Adam and Julian weren’t going to argue again were they? Why didn’t they just take turns?

“The same goes for you. Now look at what I have.” Julian smirked at Adam before producing the apple and bread to Sandy.

“Bread!”

Exclamations were seldom allowed in their hide away but they always made exceptions for Sandy. Two small hands grabbed at the loaf with anticipation, wide eyes round and reverent with the fresh loaf and its indented finger mark as Julian had grabbed it hot and squishy off the baker’s countertop, not even fully cooled. “You really got me bread, Julian? You’re the bestest person in the whole world!”

Another hug was given before Sandy sat down between the two with the loaf and grinned, holding it and trying to eat it through smell alone; the aroma a sweet smell they didn’t get much living in a dumpster.

Julian stretched out; his feet touching the other metal wall, arching his back, letting his toes curl in the effort. He yawned and held the apple loosely in the other hand, already waiting for Adam to get the food sack to put it in. He ran his fingers through his hair as Adam got the small canvas bag from beside him and let Julian drop the apple in.

“You’re amazing, you know.” Adam commented. “Really reckless but amazing. I never would have been able to get fresh bread.”

Smug he replied, “That’s why I go out and you stay home.”

Adam smiled. “I love you.”

Julian looked up and replied, just as kindly and softly, “Love you too.”

It went like that until sundown and the boys took Sandy out for a little playtime and Adam went out to run. It was a weird routine, and a weird group, but they were family and that’s how they were: A little argumentative, dumpster living, police evading family.


	2. Chapter 2

How the two of them had joined forces, so to say, was a bit of an interesting story.  Not one you’d tell at parties but Julian remembered key parts of it very vividly as if all the days between then and now were just a week or so. In fact it had been more years than he was comfortable counting, and more memories than he felt like unearthing; but that was what came with this new family.

It had started when North Korea declared war. The United States hadn’t been as quick as the Koreans to break out the bombs, as they had no warning when the first bomb fell on California. Los Angeles was wiped out in seconds and the world came to a standstill. Shocked at what had happened; the second wave roaring in their ears before hitting them with a crash of nuclear war.

Bombs and bullets, and radio waves and nuclear missiles seemed to be the only language either side could speak, and the exchange was some form of negotiation for the end of everything. The sun was blocked out with smoke; Julian didn’t even have time to discover if his cast mates were still alive by some miracle before a plane went down over Dalton Academy and destroyed the East Wing. Fire spread and within minutes the whole school was burning rubble.

Of all the people fate could have offered her hand to it had been Julian Larson in the form of a mild mannered fanboy named Adam Clavell. He remembered the distinct feeling of an arm slinging itself around him and pulling him out of the debris; they were the only ones left alive in the inferno of flame. 

_“Logan?” Julian said through the haze of flame; the ash clogging his throat with every laboured breath. He could only feel the pain in his leg shooting up his body and the dust hitting the wet surface of his eye, stinging and burning._

_“Are you okay, Julian?” The voice asked. He felt a pair of hands lifting him out of the heat._

_“Derek?” Julian was dazed and confused. What was happening? Why was everything so dark? Someone explain to him what was going on._

_“I’m going to get you out of here. Just hold on.” Adam’s voice became clearer to him as he saw the outline of the boy’s face. It was the boy who had asked for his autograph at the fair last month. Where was Logan? Where was Derek?_

_There was a choking sound. It was his throat rebelling against him, trying to close up with the poisonous gas of the flames trying to invade his body. He collapsed against Adam, unsure of where they were going or what happened._

Adam took him a mile to the nearest hospital. His feet the only mode of transportation left as poisonous gas from an explosion in town knocked out half the population. He wasn’t sure how it was possible but they both survived.  After that Julian turned to Adam, that weird little fan boy, to become his ally through the blackness that overcame his mind.  He would forget huge days at a time but there was one person he could trust through it all; the one who saved him.  He couldn’t trust anyone else but Adam, he could feel it. Five years later he couldn’t say he regretted it.

He and Adam had been by each other’s sides ever since. Yes there was a brief mourning period in the hospital, when he realized everyone he had ever known or loved was dead, but sometimes in the face of adversity you had to be the bigger person; be the bigger person and move on. He was an actor, and trading his emotions, for those more appropriate to the situation, was something he did well. If he had shown what he truly felt at that moment, he probably would have gotten both of them killed years ago.

_“I don’t care, Adam! I’m leaving!” Julian yelled, the makeshift tent rocking with his words. This wasn’t right- living while everyone he’d loved was dead. What kind of person was he? Laughing? Smiling? Singing? Something in him was telling him that this was all wrong. Why was he staying? Why was he here with Adam? The black space was there again._

_Adam scrambled to get up and comfort him. “Don’t go! It’s just I haven’t heard you laugh since-”_

_“Shut up!” Julian cut him off viciously. Any mention of the school’s demise had been taboo since the building erupted into flames like the rest of the world. Homeless and desperate was the only way he accepted himself now: Desperation. How could he even consider building himself back up? Wait… what?_

_Adam was quiet for a moment, choosing his words carefully. Julian was already halfway out the tent when he started to speak._

_“I know I’m not them but I love you, Julian. I’ve loved you for a long time.” His words halted Julian’s steps. Adam continued, “People aren’t meant to be alone, Julian. Please?”_

_His words brought back memories he thought were long buried in the blackness; of another person whom he had loved for ‘a long time’._

_But he was gone. And things wouldn’t ever be the same._

_‘So things aren’t the same. Why don’t you take a chance? Logan’d want you to be happy.’ That traitorous voice in the back of his head whispered._

_Adam just stood there waiting for his answer, his hand outstretched._

_Julian took it, welcoming the black._

About a month after that blow up, the two of them were invited to join a caravan to the newly created city of Despes.  They took the opportunity like they had planned it all along.  Entering into the city as refugees, like all the other new arrivals, they were welcomed by the Celo Political Congress (or CPC for short).  They were given food, housing, and assigned positions in the city.  They had also been gifted with an allowance of CPC points on a small bar-coded piece of plastic, a little larger than a credit card. It was almost like things were normal again.

Julian’d start to notice these little things about Adam. His smile, the way he moved, how his hands were so big when they took hold of his; trying to convince him to do something. It was a little overwhelming. It made his breath stop in a way he’d done before- but not like this. Not for Adam. He blinked and shook that feeling off though.

There would be whole days that he would just be caught with Adam on his mind; they’d be stocking shelves and all of a sudden his boss would be yelling at him. He’d notice Adam smiling to himself before getting back to work- but he had a feeling Adam knew what he was thinking about. If he was one to be embarrassed he’d probably be red. He took this odd feeling in stride; those ‘oh crap’ feelings that he might have experienced weren’t here. There was something between them, he could feel it.

Halfway through their first year Adam caught Julian’s stares enough to make a decision. Julian and he were changed now, inseparable even in this safe utopia.  One wide smile and the door was closed, the neighbours ignoring the sounds. It was warm and felt so wonderful. They were engaged soon after.

Interestingly enough, Despes was much more progressive than the world it had used to belong to. Resting on the ground of what used to be known as Atlanta, Georgia, Despes was now a democratic heaven.  When Julian and Adam went to the registration office he had fully been prepared to yell at the old man with the records until he got his way.  They were accepted however- the Great Female Epidemic probably having something to do with it- but Julian preferred to think they would have just been afraid of his wrath.  After the signature of the terms and agreements, they were legally bound to one another in the city of Despes. Then they went home and annoyed the neighbours some more. Julian felt truly happy for one of the few times in this miserable apocalypse.  A married man, who would have pictured famous Hollywood star Julian Larson ever settling down, or even falling in love in such a hopeless place? Or Larson-Clavell now…

But he would wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat and a strange feeling in his gut- like he was betraying someone long gone. But there was no choice other than to accept it and continue on as normally as he could. The blackness didn’t bother him; it’d been just as much a part of this new life as anything else by now.

So it went for the next few years.  They lived together in a small uptown flat and paid into the tax benefits of the Despes economy. It was all self contained but it had its own flow in their secluded spot on the charred map of the world. Adam would make breakfast, usually sausage and strong coffee with lots of sugar; and then the two of them would walk downhill to the little grocery store where they worked. It was a menial job but it worked for them- Despes wasn’t big on the theatre, or television besides sports, or movies. No one would invest CPC points into a fruitless entertainment.  After work they went uphill on the bus, which was little more than a steam powered streetcar. Sometimes that broke down and they’d have to go uphill on foot.

It was one of these days when they were going uphill, weaving around one of the craters in the dirt, that the city had build itself around, that they found Sandy. 


	3. Chapter 3

The road was busy, the gentle hum of activity in the world going about like clockwork. Julian wove through the people on the sidewalk with ease, Adam following close behind, shooting glares at the men who looked at Julian (and the few women with their boyfriends). The walk was longer than expected; the streetcar hadn’t died for a week and a half. Both of them had forgotten how steep the hill home was.

“How much further is it?” Adam asked. Julian sidestepped a man with a cart.  The man rolled by without so much as an ‘excuse me’. Julian shot him a nasty look.

“Well, the building is right up there, but does it really matter if we’re late?” Julian looked back over his shoulder to look at Adam.

“I was going to make turkey tonight, and I’d hate if you were too tired that you couldn’t wait for dinner.”

“Where the hell did you get a hold of turkey?” Julian demanded. If Adam had snuck out to the black market then he’d have to rip him a new one- he wouldn’t tolerate him trying to impress him like this.  Love was one thing but that place was just dangerous.

Clang! From their left a clattering of metal on metal grabbed their attention away from what could have been a horrible argument. The sound didn’t catch the attention of anyone but the irate actor and his husband. They stepped into the sunny side street- not so much an alley- to investigate.

“It’s probably just a rat. Come on, let’s get out of here.” Adam insisted, tugging on Julian’s arm. He was eager to get home and spend some private time with Julian which work didn’t offer him in its hustle and bustle. Julian shook his head, walking forward to see what had made the sound. Adam’s hand slipped into his.

Out of the shadows a small figure rose. A small head on top of a tiny body blinked with large green eyes which shimmered like ice.  A shock of black hair ran down the child’s shoulders, and light cinnamon hands clutched a half eaten apple; a light coating of dust from where it fell on the ground. The apple seemed to be the instigator of the clatter that Adam and Julian had heard.

The child looked up at the two men, a dithered look on her face as she caught them regarding her with their large faces.  She held the apple, not letting it go in surprise at seeing these two strangers over her. Her little eyes did start to water though. Adam bit his lip, abhorring tears unless they were Julian’s and he could sooth them. Children he hadn’t interacted with much.

Julian just crouched down next to her and smiled that endearing smile he had. The one that made people swoon and sigh; the little girl did neither but she hesitated before giving a toothy grin back. Julian glanced at her clean clothes and the day old tear marks on her face. “Hi, what’s your name?”

She was silent for a second; observing these strange men before her, before piping up. “I’m Sandra.”

Julian spoke in his most comforting voice. “Hi Sandra, I’m Julian, and this is my husband Adam. Where is your Daddy? Why are you here all alone?”

“They took my mommy.’ She answered. “Daddy was yelling so they took him too. But I was quiet.  So I was left behind. I don’t know when they’ll be back. Do you know?”

The two looked down at this little girl, exchanging a look of horror.  They knew exactly what had happened to this little girl’s parents and exactly what kind of danger she was in. They had to get her out of here fast or else she’d be in danger too.

Julian was the first to motion to take her with them; Adam shook his head. Julian knew well that they couldn’t protect her.  The news had been reporting this issue for months but there was no way they’d be able to do anything. They were so comfortable at home; they wouldn’t be able to take in what might as well be an orphan.

The sirens in the streets started up again, a regular occurrence. The DPF was always on patrol for the sake of its citizens, finding the criminals and punishing them with due process in public court. But this issue was one outside- or rather inside the law. One that the news would refuse to connect to the CPC even though all citizens knew it was them who were behind it.

Julian ignored his husband; he loved him but sometimes he didn’t exactly do anything other than ‘for them’. Julian was selfish but even he wouldn’t step away from this little girl, who reminded him so much of those little fangirls who would ask him to sign their magazines.  Blinking away his old life, he offered his hand out to Sandra: “Come on, your parents are taking a long trip. You’re really cold, right? We have a really nice blanket, and a nice warm dinner. Do you want to share?”

Adam was about to protest when Sandra latched onto his husband with such gusto he couldn’t deny Julian this. After all, what harm could it do? Julian’s eyes seemed to convey to his husband, the little girl so overjoyed at a kind offer of food. Julian picked the little girl up and took her out of the dirt. Adam may not be happy but he was just worried.  Poachers were vicious things after all- and he would not let a child be subject to that. Well at least not one with such big green eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

When they reached home Adam was still wary; forcing the journey to be quick and insisted they cover Sandra’s hair with something (his own hat being used) as to not be discovered. The DPF was already on lookout and there was no way he was getting mistaken as a poacher. He would die before he let anything separate him from Julian.

They closed the door to their flat, locking it quickly before any of their neighbours looked out their doors to see the little girl. Not that they ever looked though, either from a respect for the couple’s privacy, or their own dislike of seeing the two pressed up against the door in marital bliss.  It was a tossup but even despite that they didn’t take a chance this would be the one day their neighbours would notice them coming and going. 

“Shoes off!” Sandra declared, taking her two white and blue sneakers off as soon as Julian set her down on the floor. Her tiny mouth was pursed as she concentrated on undoing the laces and tucking them into the shoe before setting them next to the closet beside the door. Julian frowned; he usually kept his shoes on, but if that’s what this kid was used to. Adam and he did the same as the little girl; Adam shot a curious look at the girl before going into the kitchen to reluctantly make dinner for three.

Julian let the little girl sit down on their couch and tried to ask her more about her parents, maybe figure out what exactly happened despite the fact he knew exactly where they were now. Or at least who they were with. However he didn’t know where Sandra (that was her name?) would go.

It might behove one to know that like the bombings which had forced many to abandon their old lives by force, some of the biggest threats to society was society itself now. After the USA had been levelled at first, a provisional government had been set in place and the country had the misfortune to have the cockroach of a Republican at its helm. Of all people to survive? Things didn’t get better.

If any hope had been granted to the survivors it was gone now; all health budgets were cut, abortion was declared illegal, medicine prices soared more than they already had, racist sentiment was encouraged and women were forced back into the home- only there was no home to turn to. As such men, who were working at something, were slightly healthy as workers were given extra food rations. These rations given for lunch at job sites actually provided immunity against a bug which swept across the US through the provisions in the grain. More than seventy percent of women and children died; it was known as the Great Female Epidemic.

Because of this, the president was kicked out and it was decided the Red Cross would take over, providing health care to those who needed it. Especially the remaining women whose bodies had been ravaged by disease; many were rendered sterile and as a result the population dropped even further.

What this meant for males is that many of them started demanding women instead of embracing latent homosexual or bisexual tendencies, many men would line up as suitors in towns which only contained one or two women. Young girls, women, and even babies were chased by men desperate for female companionship of a less than ideal nature. The family structure was being broken down as men became violent, demanding their right to women and their families. Queer women especially suffered from this.

It finally reached its peak when rape and kidnapping of married women and babies became such that women would carry around machine guns and formed a Feminist League, telling the rest of the remaining world they were not property. The League was executed by the South Florida State Union.

However metropolitan areas like Despes revered and respected the women who came through their gates. Weapons and extra protection were given to them, especially those who brought children who were especially precious. They were registered and given special guards- however the special guards meant that this list would become assessable in some sort of way; as a result poaching began. When women and young girls would be kidnapped, regardless of marital status and sold to the highest bidder. Fathers, husbands, brothers and sons would fight tooth and nail for their family back but only a few would be successful. The underground business was booming, with the Despes news sending out rewards for recovered victims ever hour- but this money paled in comparison to what a desperate man would pay for an unwilling victim. The lists were eventually scrapped; women encouraged into hiding lest they be stolen.

Julian knew that when this little girl was wandering the streets alone, without a mother, it was only a matter of time that the poachers would come looking for her too. The younger they were the better they could be ‘trained’ and thus fetched a better price. While Julian didn’t have ‘maternal or paternal instinct’ or anything foolish like that, he knew this little girl was in danger and he wouldn’t let that happen; not to the girl with the green eyes.

“Mr Julian?” Sandra asked. “Why are you and Mr Adam taking good care of me? You’re not my daddy- and he told me not to talk to strangers but strangers are mean- you’re not mean.”

“Call me Julian.” He couldn’t answer without scaring her; maybe a half truth would do. He was so good at acting calm however. He got up and collected a spare blanket, smelling the turkey legs in the tiny oven as Adam cooked. He caught his husband’s eye with a quick, straining smile before bringing the blanket back to wrap around the girl’s shoulders.

“Well like you said, we’re nice. And nice people help out, right? So until we find out where your mommy and daddy are then we’re going to let you stay with us so no mean strangers can come after you. Okay?” She nodded in agreement.

“Why would they come after me?” Sandra asked, “Is it because of the missing ladies on TV?”

Julian heard a clatter of a plate in the kitchen as Adam took out the kitchenware in the other room. He paused.

“Yes. Your mommy might be in trouble. Do you know if you have any uncles who can take you in? A grandpa? Anyone who lives in Despes?”

Sandra thought about it, her little cinnamon hands keeping the blanket tight around her short sleeved shoulders like a sleeping bag. “Most of daddy’s family was in New Jork when the world blew up. Mommy had a sister but she died from stomach bugs. She doesn’t like to talk about her though.”

Stomach bugs. That was the nickname for one of the diseases that spread during the Epidemic. He bit his lip. Wonderful. So she had no one of which to speak besides her parents in the whole world. What would they do now? Then again even if she had an uncle or something, how hard would it be to find a man in this city which was ninety percent male? Extremely he guessed.

Adam came into the tiny sitting room with a tea towel, wiping off his hands and looking at the two on the couch. “Dinner’s ready if you want to eat.” Maybe a little coldly but his eyes were still warm when Julian looked up.

“Yay! Food!” Sandra yelled, sliding along the white tiles into the kitchen to climb up onto one of two chairs. The two men noticed how she avoided the stool that had been taken from the corner for her.

Julian kissed Adam on the cheek as the little girl looked at the two big drumsticks on the table.  Both had been shaved to create a small pile of meat to be placed on a mismatched plate for her. Adam was understandably upset about having this small intruder but with the kiss from Julian he relaxed a little. Julian didn’t use to do physical affection like this but since he and Adam were married things were a little different. The blackness covered up most of his reservations.

“Wow Mr Adam, this looks so good.” She admired the little pile of food Adam placed before her. There was also a bit of rice on her plate, and half a piece of steamed broccoli, same as the two adults.

There wasn’t much talking between Julian and Adam, most of the airwaves being taken up by Sandra ‘supposing’ a lot. She would suppose that broccoli was really mini trees that the big bombs missed, or that feet got bigger with shoes. So if she bought a pair of huge shoes she’d get huge feet. She also supposed that her mommy and daddy were away on a secret government mission, or were off in the ‘Bammamas’ and forgot to tell someone to baby-sit her. But then she supposed Julian and Adam were her babysitters. Julian frowned at the term, disliking it, but in the current situation it was accurate.

After dinner she swished the food out of her teeth. Wrapped up in the spare blanket on the couch Sandra went to sleep in her clothes from the day, neither man willing to change her, unsure if she was old enough to do it herself- although she was already fast asleep before they even came to this decision.

In their own room, one of four distinct rooms in the apartment, the others were the sitting room, the kitchen and the bathroom. Utilitarian and plain, it didn’t really distract from the couple in their dark colours and red blanket. One dark head speaking to a starkly blonde dyed head under the sheets. They deliberated.

“We can’t keep her with us forever.” Adam was right. Julian wasn’t stopped easily though.

“She’s just a little girl. You know what the poachers would do to her. It’s not right.”

“And we’re not her parents, Julian.”

“Because her parents are dead.”

Adam was silent. “I know it’s horrible. But what can we do? Keep her here? Poachers would find her. Would we turn her into the foster system? Who’d take a little girl with good motives? She has no relatives and we have nothing to offer her.”

Julian rolled over and looked at the ceiling, a dark frown on his face. “We have to do something.”

Adam sighed and wrapped his arms around Julian. “I know. But sometimes there is nothing we can do. People just become lost.”

Lost.

The blackness: A rush of fear. The flames licking at his wounds- a crack of a skull with ice green eyes melting in its sockets- A needle above him, and a face with a maniacal grin-

Julian snapped back.

“I guess you’re right.” He leaned his head onto Adam. “We’ll bring her to the foster system in the morning.”

Adam ran his fingers through his hair, kissing his forehead tenderly. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Julian replied quietly into his husband’s chest; sleep carrying him away in its forgiving nothingness.


	5. Chapter 5

            The sun too bright through the slats of the grey metal blinds, the din of the traffic outside: the sound of steam powered streetcars and foot traffic already filling the air.  Another morning in the city: one far too inquisitive and early a visitor to Julian’s windows. Or at least one too early for his tastes.

            He rolled over to ask Adam dozily to make him some coffee. However it was not his husband he saw, but a small head with black hair spread about the pillows. He blinked to make sure he was seeing things correctly. What? Did he miss something?

            A tap on his shoulder made him roll to his other side, looking towards the door where Adam was leaning over him with a large cup of coffee.

            “I think she got lonely and crawled in last night.  I woke up with her laying on my chest. It seems she stole your spot.” Julian couldn’t help but laugh at the disgruntled look on Adam’s face. He was still a little sleepy, a late riser but the image of the little girl perched on his husband’s chest was one he couldn’t help but be amused by.

            “So you didn’t put her back on the couch?” Julian accepted the coffee, sitting up in bed and taking a deep drink from the mug.  There was still a lot of options to consider with Sandra.  But when you considered Adam had decided they were not going to do anything with her, beyond get her to foster care; letting her sleep with them because she was scared was an oddly tender move. It made him want to reach up and kiss his husband with the sugary coffee still on his lips.

            “I thought you’d get mad. Besides she might just crawl back in. Why waste the effort?”

            Julian smiled, his dark eyes looking at his husband. “What happened to my little cynic?”

            “Let’s make it clear you’re the more cynical out of the two of us okay?” Adam sat down on the bed, kissing Julian quickly, brushing a hand against his jaw before breaking the kiss. “We need to get to work. Do you want to stop by the City Centre and we’ll drop her off before work?”

            The way Adam said it, so casually, made it sound as if they were dropping her off for daycare or something horribly domestic like that. When in fact they were putting her into city protection to possibly get her some form of security against human poachers who wanted to kidnap her, mistreat her, then sell her to the highest bidder after already stealing her parents from her. When you put it like that, it got rather dark and morbid.

            “We’ll do that.” Julian stretched, “What’s for breakfast?”

            He got off the bed, careful not to wake the sleeping child who was wrapped up in pleasant thoughts, her little eyes closed and dreaming.

            “I thought we’d have cereal, I forgot to get more bacon and I don’t think little kids like bagels with your fancy cream cheese much.” Adam commented.

            Julian frowned, “They’re a comfort food. I don’t have them often.”

            “Whatever you say.”

            After a bowl was set out for their little houseguest they sat down, waiting until they heard her get up. Julian didn’t really touch his food, just pouring himself another cup of coffee and having that. It was silent for a few minutes until Adam broke it.

            “I didn’t ask, how did you sleep?” Inquisitive, but also a little worried. It made sense in a way, Julian had always liked sleeping like the little cat he was but Adam had brought it up to him that since the school burned he had slept some really unpleasant nights. He would sometimes seize up and push Adam away suddenly in the middle of the night shouting bloody murder before Adam calmed him down. It came with the blackness Julian always thought, but it didn’t mean he accepted it.

            Julian shook his head. “It was fine. No dreams at all. I think I nearly blacked out before bed but…” He shrugged.

            “It’s probably just more dreams from the hospital, nothing to worry about.” Adam took his hand, brushing his fingers over Julian’s knuckles, a reassuring smile on his face.

            “You’re right. I was being stupid.” He laughed.

            A little noise from the other room announced Sandra had woken up. The men looked towards the little doorway when she toddled out of the room with her messy hair, a wide look on her face. She rubbed one eye, the epitome of a cute and sleepy little girl. She looked up at the two of them and asked, “Is there Crunchies?”

            They passed her a bowl of cereal, hoping that was what she wanted. It turned out it was as she squealed on the stool and started eating eagerly. After they all finished their food and did the dishes, Adam told her that they were going out now. Her eyes lit up.

            “Are we going to get my mommy and daddy? They have to be back from their trip now!” Sandra had a large smile on her face, her little socked feet hanging off the stool, swinging in the air.

            Julian gave her a dazzling smile. “We’re going to go drop you off with some very special people; they’ll take care of you when we go to work okay? They know where your mommy and daddy are. We can’t take you to work of course; it’s no place for someone as adorable as you.” He couldn’t help but think that if he had done this to anyone but a little girl they’d be laughing at him.     

            She frowned, “But I want to stay with you, Mr. Julian.”

            “Julian.” He corrected. “And we need to make sure you’re okay. So we’re going. It’ll be fine.”

            She pouted but got on her shoes anyway and allowed Julian to pick her up. Adam opened the door for them.  The three of them got onto the main street and blended in quietly into the steady, if not sparse, stream of grey which was making its way down one of the main roads of the city.

            “Are we going to go shopping? Because my mommy always took us out to eat lunch at the deli man’s cause I’m not in school.” Sandra said, clinging around Julian’s neck, looking at his angled face.

            “No, we’re not going to the ‘deli man’s’,” Julian looked both ways before following the stream of people across the road. Adam was behind him, a trusty shadow of a bodyguard, making sure he was safe at all times. Now he was especially vulnerable, with a bundle in his arms worth possibly a million CPC points on the black market. 

            She was quiet for another few blocks before whining, “Are we there yet?”

            Adam groaned, she wasn’t going to do possibly the worst thing any child could ever inflict on a traveller. “No we’re not. Soon.”

            She squirmed in Julian’s arms; the directions to the government run facility had been hazy, only having occasion to pass by it once or twice consciously, but he knew where it was. If she fell out of his arms he would be mad. If he was ever like this as a kid, he’d have never worked a single day.

            The open city square, which held numerous of city facilities, was grey and towering. It was moulded around a crater and the buildings around it were constructed out of black glass, overlooking the grey indented pit which had a single stunted tree in the centre for landscaping detail. Urban legend around Despes was that the tree had been bought from a wealthy collector; he’d been hoarding the last Georgian peach tree. It was guarded every day to confirm this rumour, however not a single peach grew on it. Some said it was because when the women started dying, so did the beauty of the Georgian peach blossoms; only when the population was fully restored would the peaches grow again.  It was all crock but it was still a nice story. Julian wondered if Sandra’s mother had told her this story.

            Maybe she had, as Sandra started looking excited at the sight of the tree, so few of them left in the world- at least in the populated world. “Pretty.” She murmured as they passed by the tree towards the building marked ‘Child Services’; an ugly term but it was where they had to go.

            “These special people don’t live here, right? This is where they take bad people, right?” Sandra noticed the DPF office across the way with their brilliantly designed and starkly visible logo on the side of the black glass doors. Adam chuckled.

            “Smart.” He said. “That’s just the police headquarters, but we’re not taking you there. We’re taking you to the foster care system, they’ll take good care of you.”

            That was a mistake. Sandra understood the term foster care, how neither were sure but as soon as Adam had uttered those words she started squalling. Protesting going in with all the bad kids: she had parents, she was a good girl! Why were Mr Julian and Mr Adam doing this to her? She wanted her mommy!

            Julian kept his grip on her, grimacing at her flailing but trying to keep her under control. There was only so much that they could do to stay discreet. With all the attention they were attracting, Julian wouldn’t be surprised if half the city knew they were taking a child to foster care- let alone a little girl.

            “No, no I didn’t mean that.” Adam tried to repair the damage in vain. “I- uh- damn.”

            “Smart, Adam.” Julian drawled. Sandra grabbed at Julian’s neck to steady herself. The beginnings of tears were forming in her eyes.

            “Why don’t you like me, Mr Julian? Why are you sending me away? Did my mommy tell you to do this? Does my mommy not love me anymore? She’s not even coming back, is she?” With each word, Sandra got more hysterical as she clung to Julian’s shirt, trying to understand the situation.  It was through her flailing he saw the man across the square staring at him, Adam and Sandra. Shit.

            “Shh.” He tried to tell Sandra as he glanced at the strange man in the dark suit. He nudged Adam and gestured over, a tinge of fear on his face.

            Adam’s face hardened at the sight as soon as he saw what Julian was trying to show him. Immediately he tugged the grocery store hat out of his arms and put it on Sandra’s head; shielding Julian he grabbed him by the arm and pulled them out of the block of buildings as quickly as he could. He smiled brightly down at Sandra for a moment, faking a cheery attitude before slipping into a dark frown, leading them out of there.  Julian would have gotten mad at him for excessive force but for some reason he didn’t mind. All that mattered was Sandra and getting her away from anyone who was eyeing her with suspicion.

            He knew they could tell she was a girl; her hair was long enough and her outfit just pink enough to fit the category for female instantly.  They had to get out of there, now they were all implicated.  Even two men set as guardians of the younger females in the city had a hard time fending off poachers. Only so many were able to grow up to be able to leave their fathers’ custody in Despes without the threat of a poacher watching their every move. And now Sandra was under their radar, Julian was sure of it.

            It took them another ten minutes to hurry to work late. Adam suggested Sandra play in the store room with its one way entrance and heavy lock. She nodded, unsure of the expressions the men gave her but contented herself to pulling at a stalk of bendy celery before the two started work.

Adam was the one to try talking to Julian about it. Julian responded quickly. “No, just don’t.”

He’d messed up, he knew it. He’d pretty much forced this little girl on Adam for some unknown reason besides that twisted sense of guilt he seemed to feel from time to time. Like if he left the little girl that day something would have told him to go back anyway, blaming himself if anything bad happened to her.

            “Julian, we can’t keep her. She’s not our pet.” Adam tried to coax. “You’ve seen the danger, we should just go back to the foster care office and give her over. She’ll just be in danger with us. You’ll be in danger.”

He reached out to cup Julian’s cheek in his hand, trying to look into his husband’s eyes before the gesture was swatted away. Both mildly surprised with the gesture.

“I’m not abandoning her Adam, what’s the worst that they can do? It’s not a big deal.” Julian assured him before picking up the broom. “I need to get back to work.”

“Not until we’re done talking.” Adam demanded harshly before his eyes softened, warm and forgiving. “I love you Julian and I know this is important to you. We need to be realistic. She’ll just attract trouble and I don’t want you getting hurt. You’re mine and I’m not letting you go no matter what.”

Their fingers met, twisting together, Julian’s hand held against Adam’s cheek. Julian kissed him. “You know I love you, Adam.  I love you a lot but we’ll be fine. It’s only right we let Sandra stay with us. They still might catch her mom and I don’t want to see any more people hurt around here.”

“But what if you’re hurt? All this poacher stuff is scary. I almost lost you once; I won’t let them take you from me.” He met Julian’s eyes, sure.

Julian shifted, trying not to remember the smoke and flames. “I know, but Sandra is just a little girl. We’re taking her home tonight.”

Adam sighed. “I don’t like this. You’re going to get hurt if we keep her.”

“Good thing I’m good with broken bones.” Julian let Adam kiss him back, the slow chorus of their lips broken by the manager coming into the aisle of the grocery with a cross look on his face. “I don’t pay you two to stand around and make out pretty boy, you and your man get to work!” They broke apart and did, sharing one last glance before separating until five o’clock that evening, rejoining to take the small girl out of the storage room.

            When they got home they wrapped her in a cardigan and hid her in their room, under the sheets as they slept. It was Julian’s idea to call her Sandy. She was quiet for the rest of the night. Both men exchanged a glance before falling asleep, the little girl cradled between them. Her hair was carefully tied back and her little green eyes fell shut, oblivious to all around her.


	6. Chapter 6

They didn’t even make it through the night.

A large crash and shattering of glass woke Adam and Sandra up, Julian’s eyes fluttering afterwards when the two next to him started moving about. Sandra’s face was caught in fear and Adam’s was whipping about, looking for something to tell him what was going on so he could get a feel for the current situation. The sudden interruption sent a shiver of fear racing through them; a shiver that had nothing to do with the cold night air creeping up their necks from the broken window in the other room.

The door burst open, the bedroom invaded by a tall man in shadows and darkness, his face covered but his identity still revealed as he saw, and went for what he had come for. Adam however, being between him and Sandra, swung a heavy fist up as the poacher came nearer to the bed.  If anyone endangered Julian with their presence, they’d have Adam to deal with.   

Crying out in pain, the poacher clutched his nose. A drop of blood hit the floor, wiped across in a scarlet streak by his foot. Adam glowered at the man, climbing out of the bed and launching himself at him as the man tried again to come any nearer than he already was. The men were surprised the poacher hadn’t brought backup.

They spoke too soon however, Julian forced to clutch at Sandra shielding her from flying glass from the bedroom window. Another man in black came in through the shattered pane and came at the little girl and her human shield. Adam saw this and with one swing took out the man he was fighting with. He then ran the short distance to the accomplice and held him down, trying to knock him out as well.

“Get away from my Julian!” Adam gritted through his teeth, struggling on the floor as the other man tried to overtake him. Adam was holding out but the other man was much bigger, with large muscles and a mission to complete.

“Give us the girl and we’ll leave you alone!” The accomplice shouted.

Julian didn’t even consider the offer before yelling, “No!” He felt Sandra bury her tiny head into his chest, pretending it was all a dream and she’d wake up in her mom’s arms soon. Julian clutched her tighter and caught her around the waist, holding her closer. They weren’t going to get her.

“Get her out of here!” Adam told Julian, giving another swing at the accomplice. A crack of bone was heard, Adam hissed in pain. The accomplice overtook him. Julian sat on the sheets, considering how he might help, but how could he with this child in his arms? He shook his head, he wouldn’t leave Adam, not the man he loved.

He got up from the bed, Sandra still in his arms with her eyes against his chest, and swung his leg down. Smack! The man’s head lolled on its neck as he was out cold.  Adam let out a breath and frowned.

“That was dangerous.” He said.

“So was wrestling with a poacher.”

Sandra whimpered.

They couldn’t stay in the apartment. That much was obvious. Justice in Despes was swift and police protection shoddy at best. As soon as the men in the bedroom woke up with blood all over them they’d come right after them, knowing there was a little girl as a prize for them which would make them very rich men. Julian and Adam didn’t even think of killing them because the last case of self defence in the city still got execution, blood begat blood in this city and everyone had a crime that they could be punishable for. It was safer just to convict all killers, lest they end up with a serial killer on their hands. The gentle hum of Despes could only control so much before the crime rate became uncontrollable. If word got out that Julian and Adam beat up two men, no matter what the circumstance all four of them would get jail time. If they left them alive, they could go into hiding as the men would not let themselves be discovered as poachers, as killers they would be tracked down with better dogs than the poachers would ever be.  The safest option was to run.

So they ran.

Who knew after just two days with this little girl that their lives would be turned around so drastically they would content themselves to finding shelter in a overturned dumpster, in the middle of a crater style parking lot? Certainly not Julian, and most likely not Adam either. They didn’t know how many weeks they’d be here, or how they would live out here, but the only thing to do now was hide themselves and Sandra from the law and then the poachers. 

They were assaulters and kidnappers now- no record to Sandra’s presence in their lives and three million reasons not to let her go- number one being what Julian wants Julian gets. And Julian wanted to protect that little girl from the men who had broken Adam’s hand with his face. He wouldn’t let anyone get taken on his watch now that they were all stuck together.

No going back now.

That night they cut Sandra’s hair short and called her Sandy.

No going back…


	7. Chapter 7

Days in the dumpster turned into weeks, which then turned into three long and listless months. In that time they’d only had each other to rely on as well as Julian’s nimble skills as a thief. They had learned in their time of hiding that their house was being watched by poachers waiting for the little girl to return so they couldn’t return and get their CPC point cards.  They had no money and survived off the things Julian stole to provide for them.  It was almost laughable how things turned out.

Sandy would spend most of the time cuddled up to either one of the men who now acted as her guardians, pleading for stories or asking impossible questions.  Some would be routine questions from a child, like why the sky was blue (or in Despes’ case grey), or why people had toenails; however others were harder, like when would they get out of the dumpster and back to the apartment, or why were Julian and Adam so jumpy, or when her mommy and daddy were coming back. They took the answers as well as they could but sometimes they just didn’t have the answers.

It was a hard night when Adam finally snapped at her and told her that her parents weren’t ever coming back. She crawled into Julian’s arms and cried all night. Julian didn’t look at Adam, the child’s grief his concern. Adam apologized afterwards but the damage was done, Sandy didn’t smile for a whole month afterwards. It took a while for her to even let Adam hold her when Julian was away stealing food for them.

_“Adam, she’s just a kid.” Julian said one night, Sandy asleep in his arms, Adam on his other side. “You shouldn’t have snapped.”_

_Adam nodded, letting Julian lean on his shoulder quietly. “I know.”_

_“She’s lost everything she’s ever known, all she has is us now. She needs someone to lean on.”_

_“Someone like you. Not me, I’m not very good with kids if you haven’t noticed.”_

_“She needs someone to lean on just like I did. Maybe you could help her like you helped me.”_

_Julian smiled and kissed Adam softly. They’d make it through, he was sure of it. If Adam could help him through a whole apocalypse and lead him here, he was sure he could help Sandy in the same way and make her whole again, because he wasn’t sure if he could do it alone._

One morning Julian woke up, about five months into their hiding to see Adam and Sandy playing with a length of string. It was cats cradle or whatever silly games kids played on the playground, but Sandra enjoyed it. She was laughing. Adam met Julian’s eyes and grinned; one step closer to wholeness. Adam did it again.

“String, really, Sandy?” Julian asked. Sandy turned with a toothy smile on her face, her short hair brushing the tops of her ears.

“Adam’s been teaching me Juli, it’s really fun! We made a kitty bed!” She shoved the string in Julian’s face. She paused. “What’s a kitty?”

Julian hid a laugh, the things an apocalypse did to a child; they didn’t even know what a cat was. It’d be sad if she wasn’t pondering over it like it was the greatest mystery in the universe.

“Kitties are cute and fluffy like socks.” Adam said with all the seriousness in the world.

Julian rolled his eyes, “It’s just an animal.”

“Oh.” She replied. “Okay!”

Adam sat next to her against the metal back of the dumpster his foot against the stick which held the lid open by a fraction of an inch to let air and light in. His hands were folded in his lap as he watched the little girl ramble on about the wonders of the ‘kitty bed’. He nodded to Julian, ‘did I do well?’

Julian nodded back, ‘yes you did.’

_“No! Get away from me! You sick creep what are you doing?”_

_“It’s only just a prick little idiot, you’ll be mine soon enough.”_

_“I said get away from me! I’m not yours, you’re delusional!”_

_Flames. Higher and higher. A needle descended with a finger over his lips softly._

_“Shh, relax and forget._

_The flames licked his face with their golden tongues, the silver dart over his skin a cold sting of vivid reality._

_“Forget.”_

_The dart bit- the blackness rushed over his eyes as the oblivion took over._

“NO!”

Gasping, Julian woke up. His forehead and back were covered in a cold sweat; his heart was racing as he tried to catch his breath. The image of the needle in his vision horrifying, and the voice in his head distorted by the flames but so familiar all the same.  Terrified was the only way he woke up from these black dreams, their frequency relatively sporadic but when they did hit they left him shaking and petrified. He’d been plagued with the damn things since the hospital, when he’d been fixed up for damage in the fire, but sometimes he wondered what had happened to give him these black nightmares.

Sandy stirred, wrapped in a blanket between the two of them on the metal bottom of the dumpster. Moonlight hit her face at an angle and made him shush himself, not wanting to wake her when she looked so peaceful. Adam however did wake up and saw the terror in Julian’s eyes. He took no time in comforting his husband.

“Shh, what was it this time?” He asked, taking Julian in his arms. Julian was quiet for a second, he didn’t want Adam to worry. He had enough with all this worrying about the poachers, and taking care of an unexpected child, and trying not to get recognised every time he went out to run, he didn’t need to keep comforting Julian for his stupid nightmares.

“Nothing.”

“It was one of those dreams again, right?” Adam asked, not needing an answer as Julian tensed in his hold. He felt a kiss to his hair, Adam’s lips familiar and comforting.

“I told you, it’s nothing.” Julian tried to protest. Everything he did seemed to mess things up, even his own dreams.

“No it’s not. There has to be a way for us to stop them. They’re just bringing up bad memories Julian. Things I would rather you not think about.” His lips whispered into the slightly dirty, but still thick dark hair. 

“I don’t think so. Everyone has a past they don’t want to talk about, can’t this be mine, Adam?” His hand reached out and rested on Adam’s leg over the blanket Adam had draped over the three of them. Adam shook his head but Julian just ignored it. “Forget I said anything.”

The rest of the night was kept in silence. All Julian wanted to do was forget, but every time he willed himself to do so, the distorted voice whispered the same ideal in his ear. A vicious cycle, not sure what he should keep or what should go.  He just clung closer to Adam, his husband at his side and his little girl at his feet he didn’t feel so lost.

The next morning was woefully ordinary as Julian snuck out into the crater, careful to avoid security cameras and people’s eyes as he snuck through the destroyed parking lot.  The alleyways were easier to avoid people, the only onlookers being the homeless of Despes (something he didn’t know existed until he walked more than twenty minutes from his home) and the other outcasts of this shining metal utopia. He had developed a foolproof system of getting to the black market. Another turn and he’d be there, all without a single civilized soul seeing him.

The black market was busy with people anxious to buy the stolen, bashed, or sometimes rotting food alongside banned materials like scrap electronics, designer clothing, alcohol, and firearms. It was a small underground alley with a line of maybe fifty or so stalls made of scrap aluminium siding. It mirrored the actual market, or various supermarkets situated around the city, although the people who frequented here paid a lot less for their goods.  The reason for that being food prices were so monumentally high because of the cost of growing vegetables or raising beef was hard in a post apocalyptic environment with little to no soil available. That was why so many luxury goods or pastimes were outlawed or invisible in Despes, they simply didn’t have the money to be fooling around when there was work to be done. Unfortunately it meant that people sometimes starved because they couldn’t afford bread. Julian actually found out that by working in a supermarket since coming to Despes, he never paid full price on anything because he was technically part of the food industry. It put a lot of things into perspective for him, especially when it came to interacting with his fellow citizens.

He wouldn’t steal down here, not from those who already had so little and were just trying to feed their families. He saved his thievery for the actual bakeries or grocery stores, once even a deli. Down here he knew how much people just wanted to support their own, kind of like he was in a way, Sandra and Adam were his family, and he wouldn’t deprive anyone of the opportunity to feed their own off their earnings of ill-begotten goods. The government subsided food was a different story. Pulling a scarf over his hair and chin he headed over to the stall with a few selections of raisins, dried beef or other preserved goods with a sweet or salty tang.

“’Ow are you today s’r?” The gristly old man behind the counter asked with a scratchy voice. His eyes came up to look at Julian directly, the smile of a defeated man on his face.

“Fine.” Julian answered, picking up a small bundle of dried apricots. “How much for one of these?”

“30 CPCs, notes not card.”

Julian pulled out the crumpled bills he’d acquired, the only form of cash in this city when so much was done via card due to lack of proper paper processing.  He handed them over and kept the small bundle in his hand.

“Those for you or s’meone else? I ‘ardly ever shee people come in ‘ere and buy only one thing.” He told Julian, his wrinkled hands rearranging the jerked beef and chicken on the back of the table.

“They’re for my kid.” Julian pocketed the apricots, a dazzling smile on his face; the kind that used to blind Hollywood photographers and now was just used to pay a courtesy to a stranger in a rundown black market.

“A kid? We don’t get m’ny of those these days. Lucky you found a lady. I ‘ave my s’n from before the bombs, but he was paral’zed fr’m it.” Downcast, the man didn’t continue. Julian just replied, as if reading another line from a script.

“I wish you luck.” And then he hurried home, avoiding the stares of anyone who could possibly harm his strange little family, just to see the look on Sandy’s face when he brought her the treats.


	8. Chapter 8

            It had been seven months since they went into hiding and started living in the overturned dumpster. Nobody had bothered them, but crime rates had soared in the city and money started to become scarce. The DPF was cracking down on all illegal activities, the black market included. Poaching was still rampant but people were becoming more vigilant at the city’s female population dropped to two hundred women to seven thousand men.  One woman was actually saved from her attackers as her neighbours heard her screams and came in with a baseball bat to chase away the intruder. Her husband had not been so lucky.

            Whenever Julian or Adam went out now, they often did a double take if they saw a woman walking around, sometimes impressed by her courage, other times pleading she didn’t become another statistic like their Sandy was always in danger of. Sandy was dressed like a boy now but it never stopped them from worrying about her; especially when they took her out with them some days to stretch her legs.

            A report had just been issued the day before about families sticking together and not backing down to the might of the poachers in their fair city. The broadcast was being spoken by the wife of one of the prominent government officials, an iron woman with a fist so tough no poacher would dare come after her.  She explained that no matter what sort of family you were part of, the world was too small to break up anyone, not even if you had nothing of your own left. Hope could come from the strangest of places and it was just waiting for a few good people to help it along.

Sandy saw her once on a television inside the window of a clothing store; she almost reached out towards the screen at her powerful words. Sometimes being on TV was a death wish, other times it just made things a lot more bearable; especially if an old woman with greying hair put a smile on Sandy’s face. Julian would just scoop her up in his arms and continue down the lesser populated streets, towards residential living for a quiet walk around the block.

Adam was with them, holding Julian’s hand whenever Sandy decided she wanted to be carried. If she was walking them both of them held her hand in between them.  It was comforting in a way, to know that at least there was one way to act normal when you were trying to hide from poachers. As soon as that was thought however, things became vastly out of hand.

It had happened when they turned a corner onto a quiet one way street, a few other men walking about and maybe a teen or two crossing their path. That was when Sandy started squirming and flailing, her arms waving about. Julian almost dropped her in her excitement.

“MOMMY!” Sandy yelled at the top of her tiny lungs. Adam pushed a hand over her mouth, muffling the words. She still pointed her finger, looking intensely at a middle aged man and what looked to be his young and pretty wife, one hand over her heavily pregnant stomach. What seemed to be her husband had his arm around her waist leading her along the road swiftly.

Julian’s eyes widened, oh god. The woman did look a lot like Sandy, from the cinnamon skin to the long black hair. Even the age seemed to match the mother of a young child, if she had said child by someone she loved before being stolen away from them… He swallowed loudly. Damnit.

The decrepit man with his arm around the woman, turned to look at them. He had obviously heard the scuffle over on the other side of the street. Julian pressed Sandy’s face into his shoulder, shielding her from the man’s view. She tried to cry out for her mother again, determined to reach out and see her. Adam tried to step in front of her but Sandy wriggled free and peered over Julian’s shoulder at the couple. This time the woman turned to look as well.

Sandy cried out once more, recognizing her mother’s face. The woman stopped, her eyes widening and her breath catching. The eyes of mother and child met; Julian couldn’t deny it from the twisted and hurt recognition on her face. Julian saw Sandy’s mom almost make a step towards her daughter before the man who held her snapped a word at her. She looked away, pain written across her face. Adam took Sandy and shushed her, telling her to be quiet as gently as he could. Julian turned his attention to the couple, they had to get out of there but not before he consoled Sandy’s mother.

“Sorry! You know kids; their minds are always playing tricks on them. Our little guy’s just a little tired. Have a good day!” He waved, trying to convey with all the secrecy he could to her mother that Sandra was okay and she would be taken care of. He could make no promises for her, but Sandra would be okay at least.

“Keep your kid under control. Come on, Grace.” The man grunted and pulled the woman away, not so much as a side glance allowed before they disappeared around the bend of the road.

Sandy was still screaming for her mother, trying anything to escape from Adam’s arms to just go and touch her or hug her or be with her. Julian’s heart ached for his little girl, but there was only so much they could do. Her mother survived and was right there in front of her, but for all intensive purposes she was a slave. No daughter deserved to see their parents like that, controlled and defeated. It wasn’t right.

Julian kissed her forehead, taking her from Adam to hold her close to him. She started to cry, her ice green eyes closed tightly, shaking in his arms. Adam leant his forehead against Julian’s over Sandra, what would they do now?


	9. Chapter 9

“I want my mom! We’re saving my mommy!” Sandy declared, imperiously strong in her conviction.

“We can’t Sandra, it’s too dangerous.” Adam countered, unsure why he was arguing with a child.

When they had gotten back to the crater with their dumpster they had barely even opened the lid before Sandy started demanding they go back to save her mom. She would not be budged. The fear and sadness she had felt over the loss of her mother was now replaced by a youthful determination to reunite with that which was lost. Adam was against this, insisting it was too dangerous. He tried to distract her, offering her the last piece of bread, the ‘kitty bed’ game or anything to get her off the subject. He was powerless against her, especially when Julian agreed.

Julian shook hid head, “Didn’t it say on the news that a woman was actually saved from the poachers? We can’t just leave her mom.”

“That woman wasn’t taken yet! We’d be practically kidnapping a woman from her husband!”

“A woman who was coerced into it by an underground market.”

Sandra stood between them. “I just want my mommy! We’re getting her!”

“We’ll find your mom again, don’t worry.” Julian told her. Sandra squealed and hugged Julian’s knees, excitement filling her.

“No. I won’t allow it.” Adam said darkly. Julian looked up at the sound of his voice, the tone more menacing than he’d ever heard before. Adam continued, anger filling his voice. “We’ve taken in Sandy, isn’t that enough? We had to leave our apartment, our jobs, our life to take care of Sandra and now you want to follow a kid’s plan to go and rescue her mom? This could be a suicide mission- do you think that whoever has her is going to give her up easily? We already have poachers after us because we have her, what would we do if we have a fully grown woman with a freaking baby in her belly? Do you know how to deal with a pregnant woman? How would we get enough food for five people? You’re already in enough danger and far away from me as much as it is, you’d have to steal twice as much and you’d give all your food to those damn women! It used to be just us but now you’re pulling away from me and this was never supposed to happen!”

Julian stared, not quite sure what to make of the man he loved snapping at him like this. “We have to do someth-”

“No we don’t.” Adam cut him off. “It’s useless and reckless and stupid and you’re only thinking about Sandy-not about us. What happened to us?”

Julian’s heart clenched. Is this what Adam thought? He was replacing his own husband with Sandra and her mother? It wasn’t like that. It would never be like that. He just wanted to see them all happy, all of them.

“It’s not like that, Adam.”

“Like hell it’s not! We’re married, you can’t be doing things like this!”

Julian covered Sandra’s ears at the swear word, but she was too busy staring at Adam’s harsh expression in fear to process words. She clung closer and closer to Julian, scared of what Adam was doing with his dark face and dark words.

“We’re also a family. She’s like our daughter and she wants her mom!” Julian protested. Why couldn’t Adam just see that? Didn’t he want Sandra happy too?

“More like  _your_ daughter! I said we should have sent her away to the foster system as soon as we got her. This is fucking Logan Wright all over again! Why can’t you see I am all you need, Julian? No one else, just me! Everyone is trying to keep us apart- even this little twerp! Why don’t you just forget about her!?”

Adam’s words halted everything. The world came to a standstill as soon as the words  _Logan Wright_ came out of his mouth. Julian couldn’t breath. The blackness was taking over again.

_“Forget.”_

_The fire._

_“Forget.”_

_The smoke._

_“Forget.”_

_The needle hovering over him._

_“Forget.”_

_The smiling face and whispered words:_

_“Forget.”_

_The face now had a name, and the voice undistorted by the flames._

_“Forget,” said Adam Clavell._

He snapped back to reality and looked at Adam with fresh eyes. It’d been him who took away his memories and shoved them into the haze, giving him these dark nightmares that haunted his sleep. Adam? But he loved Adam? How could he love Adam? Why did he feel this way about someone who…

“What did you do?”

Julian uttered those words with utter conviction. Adam licked his lips, fury in his eyes but love on his tongue. 

“It was all for you, Julian. Everything. When the first bomb hit, I knew they’d just hold you back, this was our chance to be together, Julian. I saw that damned Wright and that Derek guy right next to you, they were trying to wake you up but they would have just hurt you. I made them go away and I saved you, Julian.”

  _The fires burned the walls, scorching and devouring everything in their path like angry hyenas scavenging for meat, dead or alive. He heard people around him, voices with familiar names talking to him. He tried to speak but the smoke choked him._

_“Julian wake up!” Derek urged, trying to push away the debris around them. “We have to go now!”_

_“Jules come on, just breathe. For me, come on!” Logan was holding his hand, trying to let him know they were there._

_Groggily and disoriented he tried to look up but the flames were everywhere and the smoke was in his eyes, he could see his friends but just barely._

_“That’s it,” Logan grinned, “Come on, Jules.”_

_A sickening crack. Derek fell. Another one. Logan’s smile turned grim. Both were left to the flames._

_“Logan?” Julian asked._

_“Are you okay, Julian?” Adam asked. He felt a pair of hands lifting him out of the heat._

_“Derek?” Where were his friends?_

_“I’m going to get you out of here. Just hold on.”_

Adam was hysterical now. “It was the only way we could be happy! There was enough aesthetic to make you forget them and be happy! Let us be happy. When you were sleeping I told you all about what we could do together. But now you’re ruining it! Why can’t we be happy, Julian!?”

_“I said get away from me!” Julian clawed at Adam’s arm, rejecting the kiss Adam pressed to his forehead, “I’m not yours, you’re delusional!”_

_Adam held him down, the needle descending with a calm look of adoration written across his face. Julian was frightened, this couldn’t be happening._

_“Shh, relax and forget. Forget.”_

_He pushed the needle into his skin, the blackness took over his mind. The only words floating through it were whispered words of Adam’s obsession; his love and desire for Julian, in his brain, in his mind. His voice was his only handhold, and the only thing keeping him grounded now._

_“I love you Julian.”_

_“I love you too.”_

Julian was silent. They would never be happy again. Not now, not ever. They were not in love; he was a product of Adam’s control. He hadn’t been his own person for years now, merely a toy for Adam to play with. Even if there was real love on Adam’s side he had forced it on him, killed his friends, and now insisting that an innocent young girl who had helped uncover this all was to blame for the troubles in their lives. If anything, Adam was the real trouble.

Now he remembered why he had taken Sandra in. Those ice green eyes. The same shade of green as the boy who had leaned over him in the fire and smiled, calling him Jules and staying with him until he was ripped away into death. Adam had killed his true love, and now he was trying to take away his little girl. He was angry. He was furious. He was enraged. He was anything if not unforgiving.

“Everything was for you, Julian.” Adam whispered, staring into Julian’s eyes. Julian didn’t return the glance. 

“No.”

Firmly and finally: Julian actually looked at Adam for the first time, really truly looked. He saw nothing. There was the forefront of his mind which told him to love this man, that they had a lovely life together, but his true self told him that this was wrong. That part of himself won over and remembered what was truly important.

“You brainwashed me, Adam. That wasn’t for me. That was for you. I’m not taking this and I’m not taking you anymore. Come on Sandra, we’re leaving.”

Adam’s eyes narrowed. “You can’t do that to me. This is what they want, to separate us!”

“What who wants? Who are ‘they’?” He accused, “No one, that’s who! Because anyone who made me happy who wasn’t you was a threat. Well, now I see you for who you really are and you could never make me happy now. I’m not yours, Adam.”

Julian picked up a confused Sandy and lifted the lid of the dumpster, propping it up all the way. He looked back at Adam who was looking at him like he had committed a mortal sin. If either of them had sinned, it was Adam; Julian was leaving and he would never go back. Not to a man who did such things just to get the object of him affections.

He didn’t even make it halfway across the crater before Sandra screamed.

“JULI!”

Julian stared in horror as Adam had his forearm around her neck. “She’s controlling you, Julian. It’s all her fault. Don’t leave me. You love me.”

“Let go of her, Adam! She’s innocent! She’s just a kid!” Julian yelled, trying to scramble closer to get her out of Adam’s hold. She was screaming, trying to get away.

“No one is innocent!” Adam yelled.

“Glad we agree on something.” Julian swung a fist into Adam’s face and heard that satisfying crack of bone meeting bone. Sandra shrieked as Adam dropped her to the broken ground; running and panting, Julian grabbed her hand as they ran through the alleyways towards the main street. Finally they could use the police force to their advantage.

Adam was hot on their tail, only half a block behind them as he had reeled over clutching his face. Julian’s heart quickened and his mind fought itself. The brainwashed half still yearning to go and help Adam but the need to protect Sandra was too great now. He scooped her up in his arms, her beating just as laboured as his but fear aside they needed to get somewhere safe.

“POLICE! POLICE!” Julian yelled, the hysterical tone in his voice well versed from a role he played years ago. “HELP US!”

The road with its busy walkways and steam powered streetcars was crowded and busy, but the police heard all. Julian kept running, screaming for help, if not for him but for Sandra. He didn’t want to be a coward but this was necessary. Probably the only way to make sure Adam wouldn’t come after her; and he trusted Adam a whole lot less than he trusted the poachers; at least they left Sandra’s mom alive.

The uniforms of the DPF were perhaps the most welcome thing that he could see coming through the crowd. People parted way for them as they did for Julian, cutting through them with the child in his arms and the enraged man on his tail. As soon as he got behind their lines he was safe. Sandra clung to his shoulders as the police officers brought down Adam; he heard his husband yelling and screaming but all Julian could do was hold onto Sandra. She was now his last grounding on this world, he would never let her go.


	10. Chapter 10

They slipped away as soon as Adam was brought into custody for attempted murder to a child. Julian decided it was safer to call Sandra a boy, her hair was still short enough to pass off as one. The police didn’t need to know; neither did the poachers who still lingered around the city square, looking for their next victim. Julian told her she’d never see Adam again, and neither would he.

The next night they found a small abandoned apartment building. It was small and quiet and no one bothered them in the black metal spire. Julian just sat there holding her, crying into the understanding shoulder of a child. His heart was breaking, but he wasn’t sure for whom; was it for Adam and the mindset that made him happy in Despes, or was it for Logan and the mindset that kept him miserably content in Dalton? Sometimes it was both. At least he had his beautiful green eyed daughter to take care of him.

“Juli?” Sandra asked, sitting on his knees looking up at his face.  His face was still as strong and young as it was when he had entered Despes but now there were one or two silver hairs in his dark mane, and a wrinkle and a cracking bone where there hadn’t been before. Still he looked down on her with that small private smile not even Hollywood got to see, just those closest to him and answered, “Yes?”

“Is it okay if we go find my mommy now? Now that Mr. Adam is gone?” She asked so hesitantly, as if she was scared she would break her guardian with her little words. Julian smiled slightly at her, hugging her close.

“Of course. We’ll find your mom together. Just you and me, Sandy.”

She flung her arms around his shoulders, kissing his cheek with her soft little lips. “I love you, Juli.”

“I love you too.” He whispered into the side of her head, her face snuggling into his shoulder. He paused before adding, “Call me Dad.”

Somewhere, very far off in the city square, the smallest and pinkest bud on the Georgian peach tree bloomed again.

\---

Epilogue by //whatoncewassilver//

_Sinbad._

It’s one of those words that just rolls out of your mouth – a name this girl has had no previous contact with. He’s not sure he wants to tell it to her, an innocent who doesn’t know a thing of sailors or cupcakes or tractors or glory or death.

The little body snuggles closer to him, a tiny fist closing in around his shirt as her head rests against his chest (it’s rising in shallow movements).

“Juli?”

Julian glances down at the little brunette, running a hand through her hair gently. “Yes?”

“Are you sad?”

His fingers twine through those dark strands. “Why would you think I’m sad?”

“Because sometimes when you think I’m sleeping you cry, and you sound like you’re choking because you cry very small. I don’t want you to choke, Juli.”

Julian presses a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m not going to die, honey. I cry because that’s what people need to do sometimes.”

The little girl is quiet for a moment. “I’m glad you found me,” she says presently. “People aren’t supposed to be alone.”

Julian presses a palm flat against his left temple, squeezing his eyes shut as a wave of black suddenly presses over him, threatening.

He pushes it away and leans down to drop another kiss to her head quickly, trading his emotions.

“Did you help many more before me?” the little brunette murmurs, eyelids drooping against Julian’s shirt.

Julian thinks of the peach tree. “Many before you.”

_No one is innocent._

He pulls the little body closer, hugging its tiny frame against his chest.

“And many more to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't win the Dalton Games. I'm still a little annoyed I even deluded myself into thinking I had a chance because the whole concept of trying to make Adam/Julian believable or appealing is impossible for this fandom- so the odds going into the judging was already stacked against me. As well as the unclear genre of "family" in a post-apocalyptic world- do you just include a family? Does it have to be happy? What does family mean when the two characters would be OOC to ever be happy parents together?  
> Either way, I later adapted this story into a comic project for my Second Year Science Fiction Class at university, I got an 83% on it but lost the write up where the TA had a kind of 'wait what' moment with Adam's reveal. So it's not a total loss.


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